The Empathic Fighter – Healing Through the Fight
That Saturday
night she was in a zone she had never known before; everything was different –
There was a new level of consciousness and body presence. Her limbs tingled with sensation, and the
ground beneath her feet resounded upwards with
With every
table sold out, it was standing room only in Lansdowne’s Aberdeen Pavilion, and
the buzz was palpable. Vaguely acknowledging
a few giants leaning in from the right and left, her focus zeroed in on the
ring; a beacon, a spot lit stage, and she knew it was hers. She belonged there.
It didn’t
matter that she was new to it; the hard months of training - sparring, grueling
weight lifting regimes, exhausting hill running, broken bones, and most of all,
the years of discouragement and wounds inflicted by doubters, controllers and
wannabes…She was there, and she had won already.
Intro to Shannon
She doesn’t
really fit the empath stereotype; I mean, how many empaths get a buzz out of Muay
Thai fighting, which is said to be one of the most vicious of the martial
arts. Empaths are usually (not
necessarily correctly) tagged as being givers, selfless, caring to a fault,
often placing the needs of others far before their own – They’re not commonly
perceived as people who, when they see a fight ring, immediately calculate
where the medics are going to enter to carry away the unconscious form of their
opponent.
So what do
you call a highly sensitive, caring, empathic person, who has a killer instinct
in the fight ring? And whose day job
sees her working with victims of crime to rebuild their lives, while leisure
time is spent sparring and drilling fight sequences, and lifting as much weight
as she can find? It’s not a trick
question, and there’s only one I have met; that would be Kemptville’s Shannon
Hogan.
Shannon
would tell you herself that she’s ‘a bit different’. Maybe it’s due to the unusual path she’s
taken in healing from her past. She’s
certainly lived some of the classic empath problems; she’s been a magnet to
narcissists, physically, mentally and verbally abused…Yes, she’s been there got
the ‘I’ve been a doormat’ t-shirt. Some
of the damage has been so brutal that she won’t talk about it, but why would
she? It’s all in the past now, and one
thing she knows for sure is that she is never going back there, ever.
“I am a
completely different person now, unrecognizable to how I was once upon a
time. The training I have gone through –
particularly the final eight weeks – has transformed me.”
Passionate
about mental and physical health, she’s a positive person, and gives a lot of
herself and her time to help others get better and to be better. In her other leisure time (when she’s not in
training), she rides horses (particularly the ones who are nuts), and helps
riders to be more confident and trusting in their equine companions. She also coaches new-comers to Muay Thai, at
The Kemptville Training Centre.
Self-improvement,
physical training, and learning to defend herself gave her such confidence, she
wants to share it with anyone who’s out on their own self-discovery crusade.
Rocks In The Road
Shannon’s
road to her first fight was a long one.
She’s trained a long time, but early coaches discouraged her actually
getting in the ring to compete.
You don’t
have enough drive to get in the ring yet…You don’t have what it takes…You don’t
have the commitment…
were some of the stories she heard, blocking her progress
and self-belief. She was different then,
and life experience has since taught her that she was simply taking on the
beliefs and tales those people were telling themselves.
Often
progress to success will be obstructed by others who are not ready to see you
succeed, due to the stories they tell themselves…about why they can’t succeed. If you’re an empathic type of person, beyond
simply hearing the words, you’re susceptible to taking on the negative feelings
and believing they’re your own.
Finally, a
year and a half ago, Shannon met her current coach, Khris Collins, and he’s
been the best coach and mentor she’s ever had.
One of the first serious questions he asked her in their training was, ‘Do
you want to fight?’ And since then her
training has represented a road of growth and healing.
“I’m not the
easiest person to teach,” she says…”I’m stubborn and I have built my internal
defences so high over the years…I don’t trust easily.”
The physical
challenge of training to fight-fit was the lesser of the challenges she had to
overcome. First she had to work through the
mind blocks; the first being, sparring with men, which dredged up the horror of
past abuse and being beaten up. Even
trusting men was an issue, let alone sparring with them. But as many who have physically trained in
group settings will tell you, barriers break down quickly, and she built trust
and friendships with the men she teamed with, drawing huge support from them.
“Now we’re
like siblings who enjoy beating the shit out of each other,” she laughs.
The final
eight weeks took team and personal training to the extreme. It built a huge amount of muscle in a short
time, and also programmed her body to stand, defend and fight automatically
regardless of exhaustion or pain.
“It seems
weird to say it, but this past eight weeks has been the most intense self-care
I have ever given myself,” she says. “Something got fixed.”
Anyone who
knew her can tell you that the leaps and bounds of self transformation were
evident on the outside; the way she stood, the way she walked, and how she
projected, all altered in the last few weeks before the fight.
The
onlookers peeking round the corner at Kemptville’s Anytime Fitness may not have
seen it that way as they hurried to see if there was someone who needed help, as
her coach drove her workout mercilessly, with Shannon yelling back at him.
“I heard one
guy say, ‘What the hell?’ as he came round the corner,” says Shannon as she
reminisces back to the torturous afternoon. ““I threw up a little in my mouth that
day. My body was giving up.”
“‘Have I
told you you’re a fucking asshole yet today?!’...could have been words out of
my mouth,” she says, with a slightly impish grin. “But in my defence I had ridden 3 horses that
morning and then gone hill running with my team up Laurier Hill in Brockville,
before training in the gym.” (This woman is a machine. I love the way she says, ‘In my defence…’)
Still, she
maintains that the training regime other mortals would see as the insanely
intense, plus the team sparring where they would simply beat hell out of each
other to make sure they could take the hiding, and finally the 10lbs of weight
cutting in the final seven days, all formed part of the intense self-care which
strengthened her externally, and more importantly, internally. That self-growth saw a lot of the internal
defences she had built up over years, all in the name of self-preservation,
begin to soften, reinforcing her relationships and trust.
“This is the
best thing I ever did for myself. People
don’t scare me anymore, and I have no self-doubt…none.” The hairs stand up on my arms as she says
this. She means it. Her face is so intense, and her eyes so
serious. She’s communicating a genuine
and dramatic transformational shift, one I (sitting in front of her) feel
myself wanting too…Who wouldn’t?
Surprise
The run-up
week to the fight came with its surprises; opponents in her weight class were
suddenly unavailable and the fight became an exhibition fight (if you’re not
fighting in your weight class, it doesn’t count on your fight record). But even more of a surprise on the night was
at weigh-in, when her opponent, a seasoned fighter with some wins under her
belt, weighed in at a whopping 275lbs (to Shannon’s 159.6lbs).
It didn’t
matter. Nothing was going to turn her
away at the brink of her first real fight. The only words she had in her head were those
she had heard from her coach during her training; “Fighters fight”.
There was no question in her mind.
“When the MTO guy asked me if I really wanted to take the fight, I told him, ‘Fuck, yes!’ ”
She grins; “He just sighed and shook his head.”
Fight Night
‘I am the fire’, her chosen track by Halestorm blasted her arrival as she swung her leg
over the ropes which her coach held down in the blue corner. It’s a song that screams of breaking free of
being held back, and letting rip into destiny, and one particularly dear to her
life quest.
It felt like
an eerie quiet before the storm.
‘Nice
surface,’ she remembers saying to Khris as she bounced athletically from foot
to foot, her heightened senses completely absorbed in the sensation of the
floor and the confines of the ring, oblivious to the cacophony of the crowd
beyond. The voice of her coach was calm
and low as he prompted her through her warm up.
She felt at
ease as she took a sip of water and he put in her mouth guard and did up her
helmet. The last eight weeks and the
surreal buzz of the crowd was all locking in to that very moment; the beginning
of her first fight.
“It felt
like where I was supposed to be. I was
calm and in a zone I have never felt before.”
I look at
the video of the fight and see Shannon’s opponent; she’s a big, powerful
fighter, taller and bulkier than Shannon (as the huge weight difference would
suggest). They’re moving round each
other, Shannon blocking her face before throwing a cross-jab. Her opponent moved slower, but the weight
thrown into her punches…“Was like being hit by a train…” Shannon confirms.
“Did she
scare you?” I ask
“No,” she
says simply, with a shrug. “I was calm. And she was simply all the people who had
ever told me I’d never get to where I had that evening.” Then she raises her
eyebrows and tilts her head, obviously recalling the evening in vivid detail;
“She was slower than me, but she was so big and powerful that it felt like my
punches were just absorbed.” She lays into the last word expressively, conveying
her amazement at the time, and I imagine it like attacking a rubber wall.
In the
middle of the second round, Shannon took an excruciating kick to the liver - “That
hurt. You don’t ever want one of those,”
she confirms.
She felt like she had
frozen to the spot as the raw boulder of pain rolled all the way through her up
to her throat, and she bit down hard against her mouth guard, determined it
wasn’t ending that way. “It felt like a
long 10 seconds I was standing there, but by the time I threw the next jab
cross, the pain had gone, and I realized it had just been a split second.”
“You’re a
machine!” I exclaim.
“Yes. That’s the training,” she nods
matter-of-factly. “All I can hear is my coach shouting commands, like ‘kick
with a kick’, ‘cross with a cross’, ‘knee with a kick’ and my body just works
the sequence.”
She was
tiring as the fight entered the third round, but as she heard Khris yell, ‘Killshot!’
there was no faltering, and she pendulumed repeated punches into her opponent;
left, right, left, right.
There was
another thing working for Shannon, in addition to the training; her extra
senses were on fire that night, and she had a ‘feeling’, a ‘knowingness’ what her
opponent was going to do, before she did it.
“It’s the
same when I ride horses, but this was enhanced.
I knew how she would move next, and I knew she was going to open my nose
before it happened, but I was too tired to react fast enough.”
The punch which
spelled the beginning of the end had her nose dripping with blood. (There’s no blood
allowed in exhibition fights). Initially
they were able to stop the bleeding, but a second blow had it flowing afresh,
and the fight was called 51 seconds into the third round.
“That fight
was the most exhilarating, liberating, and fun thing I have ever done.”
Despite not
being the victor, her sense of achievement was enormous. In her first fight before a mass of people,
she had stood her ground into the final round against an experienced opponent who was the best part of twice her weight. And all those voices from the past, and the
doubters, had been silenced forever.
She had
proven herself…most importantly to herself.
Exiting the Stage
“It was
funny as I came out of the ring,” she says.
“The doctor asked me, ‘Are you okay?’
I just sniffed hard to clear my nose and said ‘Yup. All good!’”… (Haha! She’s just like the fictional tough,
nonchalant heroes I write into my stories!)
“What?!” He
asked incredulously.
“The other
doctor laughed and shook my hand, and said, ‘Fuck that was a good fight!’”
Support
She trusts
in her coach completely; that he has her back to the end, a bond made stronger
by experiencing his dedication at the event itself. And it was his words which bolstered her in
the buildup; “I have zero concerns about you protecting yourself in the ring.”
“Sorry,”
said Shannon to Khris, as he dabbed at the blood running from her nose with a
towel as they stood in the change room.
One of her characteristics is that she takes ownership of the responsibility
she feels she has to everyone who has invested in her, and in spite of the
massive weight disadvantage, she had really wanted to see the fight to its end,
or better still, deck the giant.
“Why are you
sorry? I am so proud of you right now!”
he answered. (It had after all been almost three full rounds of real-life David
Vs Goliath!)
Other key
support came from her family and friends and people she trains with, who were
there to cheer her. That strength gave
her confidence as the rounds went on, that she was capable of more than simply
surviving the fight; she was capable of winning.
“I know I
was drawing strength from them as I was fighting. I could feel them out there.”
And they
were the ones who celebrated with her; her ever-supportive brother, best
friend, Ashley, who supplied Shannon’s requested apres-fight Cap’n Crunch and
sour skittles, while Khris brought the beer.
The Aftermath – What Changed?
The week
following seemed strange and surreal as her body rested, adrenalin subsided,
and the training regime fell away from its previous intensity, to allow for
recovery.
Everyone
seemed a little withdrawn – all on their versions of come-down, but the
training didn’t grind to a halt and Shannon was back in the gym, with a new
determination and expectation for her next fight, coming up early in 2019.
Diet – RIP Carb Monster
She used to
be a carb monster - they were her staple.
It wasn’t unknown for her to demolish one of those entire packs of fresh
tortellini in a single sitting when she was in need of fuel. Therefore ‘hangry’ was an understatement when
the keto diet was enforced for cutting purposes…Infact, as someone who
witnessed some of the effects, ‘hangerous’ might be a better term.
But eight
weeks later, she doesn’t think she wants to go back…carbs now seem heavy; the
reactor once dependent on fossil fuel has gone atomic, and she feels quicker of
mind and body for it.
Know Thyself
“That fight
was the most exhilarating, liberating and fun thing I have ever done,” Shannon
told me. “The intensity of the training
leading up to it has taught me things about myself. I have no self-doubt anymore.”
She learnt
to trust, and she felt a shift; her emotional defences have softened, and self-esteem
has left her more willing to be malleable on the inside, allowing others in and
having more faith, while at the same time no longer moulding herself according
to the whims of those who seek to control.
She lives by
the saying, ‘Be the person you needed when you were younger’, and she certainly
is just that; both for herself, and the children and adults she trains and
inspires.
Closing remarks
So for this
empath, fighting changed her life for the better. It was her way of going on an adventure; (to
hijack words from the Bhagavad Gita) the
journey of the self, through the self, to the self. However you do it, do it your way.
Oh, and (for
anyone who’s not met her) did I mention? … If you expected a gruff,
crooked-nosed, cauliflower-eared athlete with a face suited to radio, you’d be
wrong – She’s an enthusiastic, often animated, highly attractive individual who
smiles a lot in good company (that would be horses, and positive, down-to-earth
people)… Don’t waste her time telling her this crap though; she doesn’t need
it, and might punch your lights out… ;-)
Namaste
CJ
Author’s note: Empaths are a common
subject of my writing – They are always part of the cast in my fiction writing,
and also inspire my articles and blogs.
They are remarkable and sensitive, but often susceptible to being drawn
into relationships with those who will use them, and take advantage of their
nature. I am fascinated by those empaths
who have struggled with this, but recognize it and have worked on themselves. Their stories of healing and self-growth are
inspirational to others, to help heal and guard their gifts and energy better,
now and in the future.
An empathic life lived free of
‘energy intruders’ is a remarkable life…
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